Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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