...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
