apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
