My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
