my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
