I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
