..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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