oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
