drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
