I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
