ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
