dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
