if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize