FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
