i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
