just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
