I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
