she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
