STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
