I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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