lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
