I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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