On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
These tits shall not be calmed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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