2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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