Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
