Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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