I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
