thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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