i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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