Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
