Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
