Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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