Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
