the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
