Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
