I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize