Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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