Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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