I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
