Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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