mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
