Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
