Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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