We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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