I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
