Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
