I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
