I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
