What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
