she was so not down for the gang bang
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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