then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
