Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
