He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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