Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
honey bunches of taint.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
