Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
