She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
