I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
