i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
