I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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