Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
