We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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