did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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