i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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