Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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