looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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