Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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