just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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