I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
