You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You may now shotgun with the bride
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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