My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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