Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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